Social Awkwardness

    Being smart hardly puts people in the most popular situation. My geekiness gained me more enemies than friends. (Oddly enough, my rival Danielle turned into one of my good friends shortly after fifth grade.) Another friend I’d had since first grade — a person I’d considered my best friend — spread vicious rumors around school about me and caused me trouble with parents and college guys when I was at 12 years old. The unfolding years became no better as teasing from classmates and soon, teachers, intensified. By high school, I shut myself off from other people and making new friends. I built an armor of self-rejection around myself so the darts of rejection thrown at me could not pierce my skin. I continued to hope that my intelligence would garner social points but I quickly learned that my popularity immensely increased with tests and quizzes and then sharply declined until the next time. My social awkwardness continues to this day — in my head, I overanalyze the implications of a new friendship or conjure reasons why a stranger probably dislikes me. Such is the life of a perfectionistic, socially awkward, depressed person.

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Comments

[Graham Smith]

I assume that everyone new I meet will find me a less than desirable person to know... And to this day I am continually baffled as to why these people continue to want to know me... It just does not make sense, I wouldn't want to be my own friend because I consider myself a nightmare to know, I know.

This was a quote I wrote that summed it up...

"it often seems to me that others see me in a way that to be frank baffles me, my perception of my own apperance and actions are not at all how it appears they are interpreted. Is this a misinterpretation by those others, or am i simply unable to comprehend the results of my own way of being? Either way, I am neither happy, sad or confused over this... "

[Mark]

I am a mental patient, a mental patient is me. Having been hospitalized at the age of 18 the experiance there(and today if I go/sent back)made/makes me who I am. I think of it throughout the day in simple little ways, such as when I can drink some water(memories of being tied down with incredible thirst) , and when I can go to the bathroom( tied down and having to go to the bathroom). And anywhere outside under the sky I am I am entertained, as I can remember the many hours and days and months locked in the rooms of psychiatry.

[Siroj Sorajjakool]

I know exactly what you are talking about. My wife reminds me of this tendency in me all the time.

[Siroj Sorajjakool]

I know exactly what you are talking about. My wife reminds me of this tendency in me all the time.

[cam]

I randomly stumbled upon your blog from researching "Social Awkwardness."

I continued to hope that my intelligence would garner social points but I quickly learned that my popularity immensely increased with tests and quizzes and then sharply declined until the next time. My social awkwardness continues to this day — in my head, I overanalyze the implications of a new friendship or conjure reasons why a stranger probably dislikes me. Such is the life of a perfectionistic, socially awkward, depressed person.

^That's me a in a nutshell...

[GregK]

Sounds just like me.

I wonder if it's even possible to change? It's easy to change how we look by eating less and working out; it's slow but we know it can be done.

With personality we have this sort of illusion that we could just some day stop acting like we are right now and become another person. As everyone here probably knows, it is a lot harder than it sounds. Either way, I think I'm going to keep operating on the assumption that it is, at least, possible.

[Bob Thompson]

Change is possible. It's not an overnight thing. The bad thinking habits took time to develop and undoing them will take time.

[Jasen H]

I used to get picked on a lot... especially in grade 8, where i got beat up for the first time.
In Highschool, I was extremely depressed for 3 years... I feel like my anti-social dad just added to my problems. To this day, while i live with him, we still don't talk much.

I turned it around the only way i knew how, by moving in with my mom, who i had lived with before my dad long after the seperation... up 'till highschool. My Dad was against this move.

But.. A little bit of therapy and a strict; open-minded, self-realizing mother... it helped me a lot.

I'm more socially acceptable now... on the outside. Now and then i have episodes where i feel overwhelmed and can easyily succomb to depression, especially if it's between friends or my past brought up.

I'm not looking for sympathy.., just another story.

[karla]

Wow, this describes me exactly. The strange thing was, in high school, I was certainly one of the cutest and smartest girls in my grade, but I was never accepted. I was just weird and awkward, and I still am. I never know what to say and I always the say the dumbest things at the wrong time. I am constantly chasing away friends and potential relationships with my insecurites. I wonder why people want to be my friend. I'm just pathetic, I feel. If I had a chance to trade in my looks for a different, more positive mindset, I would do it in a heartbeat. I fear I'll never change because I've been this way my whole life and I hate it.

[Jordansagar]

I continued to hope that my intelligence would garner social points but I quickly learned that my popularity immensely increased with tests and quizzes and then sharply declined until the next time. My social awkwardness continues to this day — in my head, I overanalyze the implications of a new friendship or conjure reasons why a stranger probably dislikes me. Such is the life of a perfectionistic, socially awkward, depressed person.

^ this is also me in a nutshell man... It makes me feel better just knowing there's other people like that.